He is Proud of Me.

[from Pinterest.]

I apparently have a hard time understanding what God really thinks of me. I never knew it was an issue. I always thought I was one of those secure people. Sure, I have those days that I feel fat or whatever, but I have never questioned God's love for me or his goodness. Secure and confident are words that I hear often during times of encouragement. 

Well, I guess that both my friends and I didn't realize that I have a dang hard time knowing that God is proud of me.

Today, some of my best friend's came back from India. As I was driving to the airport to welcome them home I started singing some worship which turned into me kind of sing-praying to God which then took a turn for the weird when I started basically prophetically singing what God was speaking over myself. Have you ever done that? Like spoke out loud for God? Where your words are like being hijacked right from your brain? No, this is not like tongues. Its like when you write down the things that God is saying in your journal, only you are just saying them out loud as they come and your basically weeping the whole time. Well, that is what happened to me. It was crazy. It was intense. It was the best moment I have had with Jesus in a while and I welcomed it with open arms.

So, he said a lot of stuff which was all wonderful, but it came down to two main things: He is proud of me and he dearly loves me.

When I mess up or feel less than mediocre I tend to get in this funk of a mindset that there is no way that I am worth anything. I just feel like such a stinking failure. I watched a segment on the Today show this morning about getting a job and all I could think was that no one would ever want to hire me. 

The wonderful thing about being the daughter of the King of the Universe is that he knows all. All meaning the end from the beginning. All meaning every event has, is, and will happen. It also means that the good works that I was made for were made by his hands and his mind. 

So he looks at me in the midst of my sin or failure and says I am proud of you because I actually KNOW you. I don't even know myself as deeply and intimately as God knows me. I haven't even discovered the things that he has put inside me for his glory or the passions that he has created in my heart. And those things that my 22 year old self hasn't even touched yet and the things that he looks at and says look at that beauty. He doesn't look at me in my current state and only see the brokenness. Rather, he looks at me in the midst of all that junk and has the ability to see past it into the GLORY to GLORY that he has promised me. 

I am so lucky to have a Daddy God who does that. Man, it must really be a downer to choose anything besides him.

The Meaning Behind The Name

The Sweetest Field.

Sounds kinda funny right?

Like some insider thing that you aren't being let in on?

Well, today is the day that I am going to enlighten you as to the meaning of the name of this blog and my original intent in creating it. 

In the summer of 2001 I stepped through the opening gate of T Bar M Sports Camp and that week I fell in love. This place has been one of my favorite places ever for the last 11 years. I was a camper from 2001-2004, on high school work crew in 2007 and then FINALLY a counselor (we call them coaches) in 2009. My years at camp are some of my favorite memories. They mark times where I've seen lots of growth in my life spiritually. The last two summers I have wanted desperately to go back to camp, but felt God pulling me in other directions. In the summer of 2010, I felt like Jesus wanted me to go Brazil on a mission trip with my church and again in 2011 I felt that pull to missions and went to Uganda for a month. Both of those trips were so special and so great. I delighted in obeying God and knowing that I was not only haphazardly walking into this plan, but also choosing it. There was still a place in my heart that wanted to be back at T Bar M though. 

At the end of last summer, I went to visit my camp bestie, LeAnne, at camp. She was on leadership and I was soooo jealous. She got to spend her entire summer there! Well, during my quiet time one morning in the outback I just really felt God saying that if I wanted to I could go back for summer 2012. Well, that seemed a little ridiculous considering I would be graduating that May and had no idea what I was going to do for income and figured my parents would pull the plug right about then. 

The longer I prayed about it the more God revealed to me that way this relationship thing works. He just kept telling me that his desires had become mine and that many of mine had become his. That me wanting to be at camp meant he wanted me to go there. I also felt that he was saying that in the places that I had been obedient the last two summers and surrendered my own desires he wanted to reward me. It was a moment in which God wanted to say, "Well done. Here is what I think of what you have done." and then present a gift. I don't know about you, but my understanding of a gift is that it is meant to be enjoyed. Once I really landed on reapplying for camp, I just knew that this was a sweet gift from the Lord. That camp was like the treasure in the parable of the treasure in the field. In God's pursuit of my heart he had found this sweet treasure that he knew brought me joy and brought me close to him. He decided to hide it in the field in a place that only he would know. He knew though. He knew how to find it and when it was meant to be found again. So to me, being at camp is this sweet gift from my Daddy God.

Another thing I that I have continually felt God saying since I decided to come back to camp that it was just going to be an open heaven. That the field was ready for the harvest and that the fruit would blow me away. He wants to show me his goodness by letting me SEE the good work of his spirit this summer and then letting me partner with him in it. Its so happy and exciting!!!! I am so expectant.

The sweetest field. A gift, a promise, a mandate, and an invitation all wrapped up into one. It's gonna be one rocking' summer! There is already so much glory all over this!!!!

12 Days of Graduation: Am I Ready?

Obviously with graduating comes the irrational fear that I will never make it on my own and the real world is just going to swallow me whole.

Today I babysat two sweet little children. I got here at 6 am and just now at 8:30 got the last one to bed. I am so tired. I literally am in bed and ready to pass out. Another note, multiple times today I almost cried over either the littlest thing or just sheer exhaustion.

It really does make me question if I can handle ANYTHING. I can't even handle babysitting two kids for an entire day.

I mean, I still loved watching them and playing with them. I am just so worn out.

Anyways. The great thing about the place of weakness is that I get to let God be strong for me. I get to trust him that I was never made to fail. I was made to win. (shout out to Sarah Chang.)

12 Days of Graduation: What I Did This Semester

So, many of you know that I am receiving a minor in Studio Art along with my BA in Communications. You always get the same questions when you are an art student. They usually start with, "Can you draw?" and when I say no they look at me funny as if drawing is the only form of art and then ask if I paint. Thus the cycle continues until they finally just straight ask what classes I am taking.

To be a Studio Art minor there are very few requirements. You have to take Drawing I, 2D Design, one semester of Art History and then 3 upper level studios.

Last semester, I took wet lab photography. That means like film in the dark room with the little red light kind of photography. I loved it. I had only taken it because I had always wanted to take a photography class and in order to take any digital classes you had to take wet lab, but I ended up falling in love with photography. One day we were watching a movie all about the great photographers from LIFE Magazine and I just had this moment where I realized that I loved this art form and I wanted to be good at this art form and I really felt the Holy Spirit just stirring something in my heart that said I just might be made for this if I would allow him to partner with me in it.

So, this semester I was enrolled in 3 different photography classes and I loved every single one of them! It was seriously so fun and so refreshing and so hard!!! Haha. But I learned so much and I grew so much.

So, I figured I would post some of my stuff from this semester. Today I will post some collections and another time I'll just post the random shots that I love.

Enjoy.


This first group was a project I did about the way that words affect people. My inspiration originally came from a sex trafficking talk I went to in which they told us about how the traffickers use their words to imprison their victims through lies. It got me thinking about the way we say things to one another and how those things end up hurting much longer than a punch to the gut and can even attach to us.

This was my final project for one of my classes. It was a statement about the transitory state of life and how the state of being abandoned means that it was once occupied and the life or spirit of that place merely moved on.

 This last one was a really fun project! We as a class submitted a proposal to a project called the Billboard Art Project. You should defs google it cause it is awesome. Anyways, the project basically rents out electronic billboards in major cities all over the USA and for a few days in each city they display the art work of different artists. It is an effort to beautify the cities. So, our group got chosen for the display in Salem, Oregon. We decided to use 8 different images that we thought represented us and then using Photoshop we brought them down to 30% opacity each and layered them. It represents how all the things we love and all the things that represent us make up who we are as one image.

12 Days of Graduation: Bogo Superlatives

Tonight was the Bogo's last night together ever as one unit. 

Oh, it was so bittersweet.

But yes, we did in fact do Bogo Awards. Here are a few.

Most likely to…

·      Fall out at their wedding – Katie McCollister

·      Be Miss America – Sarah Chang and Sarah Neelley

·      Be a hot soccer mom – Annie Howard

·      Have the most biological children – Annie Howard and Stephanie Villa

·      Marry an ethnic person – Katie McCollister

·      Have the strangest kids’ names – Sarah Chang

·      Wear Chacos at their wedding – Lindsey Lawton

·      Start a non-profit – Sarah Neelley

·      Stay in Waco the longest – Sarah Chang

·      Star in a reality TV show – Katie McCollister

·      Have prophetic kids – Katie McCollister

·      Stay young forever – Stephanie Villa

·      Adopt kids – Lindsey Lawton

·      Go to the nations first – Lindsey Lawton

·      Travel the world unassociated with mission trips – Annie Howard

·      Be the best cook – Sarah Neelley and Lindsey Lawton

·      Be a country club wife – Annie Howard

·      Have a genius kid – Stephanie Villa

·      Be a member of a dance crew – Sarah Chang

·      Own their own clothing line – Sarah Chang and Annie Howard

·      Have most kids (adopted and biological) – Lindsey Lawton

·      Have hipster children – Sarah Chang

·      Come back for SING every year – Sarah Neelley

·      Own their own business – Stephanie Villa

·      Join a U.S. church plant – Annie Howard

·      Marry first – Lindsey Lawton

12 Days of Graduation: YouTube

YouTube. It is a mystery as to whether it is a college students friend or worst enemy. Many study hours can be wasted through YouTube, but many many many many many laughs can also be shared. I decided to post a few of my faves from my college years. Videos that I watched over and over. Enjoy :)

Side note: Official grades came out today! I am for real graduating in 4 days! AH!

Penland Life.

Nobody's Perfect by DogLover.

How To Jerk.

Aicha.

Boom Goes The Dynamite.

Threw It On The Ground.

Alana Lee: Butterflies.

Take It Easy.

Honey Boo Boo Child.

Ghost In The Stalls.

12 Days of Graduation: Once a Bogo, Always a Bogo

I don't know if I can truly express to you what exactly it means to be a member of the Bogo. It has truly been one of the best things to happen to me during my time in college. So, for those of you who don't know (though I can't imagine how you wouldn't know) the Bogo is where I have lived the last two years. It has been so wonderful. These girls have become my best friends and I truly cannot imagine life without them. It will truly be tearful and extremely hard when the Bogo disbands in a week or so. They have been the biggest blessing. I am daily encouraged, challenged, and blessed by their lives. Today they took me to breakfast and just celebrated me. Ah! I just feel like the whole breakfast I should have just been thanking them and celebrating them because they have changed my life through out my college career. I love em. Thanks for the new birks girls.

bogo love always.

12 Days of Graduation: God Always Makes Good on His Promises

Found out today that I am indeed graduating!!!! I got an 86 on my last exam and everything is in the clear!!!! I am so thrilled and happy! This is literally the best day ever.

As I was celebrating this win, I started praying and just praising God for who he is and how faithful he is! While I was doing that he brought a little nugget of truth to my mind.

When I was going into my junior year I legitimately considered dropping out of college. I have never been a great student. I just doesn't come naturally to me. Anyways, through that time I fasted and waited on God and I just felt like God was telling me that me graduating from Baylor was a promise from him and it was something that I could hold onto and pursue in faith because he was behind it.

Well, today God just told me that part of purpose of him coming and giving promises is actually just him calling us up to what we are cable of and what we deserve and almost saying I'm placing my bet on this so you can trust that you are able to do this. God telling me that my graduating was a promise from him was actually him telling me that I could do it. He was saying, "You are good enough. You are worthy." He called me up to a place that my flesh didn't believe I could achieve. He is such a kind God. He loves us.

12 Days of Graduation: Lifelong Friends

I am so sorry my faithful readers! Last night I went back to Coppell and I didn't take my computer!
So Todays post will just have to count as two...

So, I took a day trip to good ole Dallas/Coppell yesterday all for two wonderful people named Clayton and Whitney Fike. I first met Clayton Graham Fike when I was eight and he was nine. We went to the same camp through Fellowship even though neither of us went to that church. We actually both went to First Baptist Church of Coppell, where we would meet again a couple of years later. Clayton has always been cute and at camp all the girls had crushes on him. If I could go back I would probably brag about the fact that dear old Clayen would end up being one of my life long friends.

I am so blessed to have this special little group of friends from home who have become my 'second family'. They are the people that I know without a shadow of a doubt will be at my wedding, know my kids, maybe my grandkids, and be at my funeral if they don't go meet Jesus first. It is kind of crazy to know that you know that you know that their are people who are truly in it for the long haul with you.

The other great thing about friends like that is the fact that you really don't have to be in contact everyday or even every month to stay close. We have just already lived so much life together that there is no way we could ever really drift. When I went to see Clay and Whit yesterday it was the first time I had seen them since their wedding last May and it was like we had never missed a moment. I also experienced this with another member of our little family, Andrew. He and I lost touch about half way through our freshman year of college and in November of our junior year we pretty much just picked up exactly where we left off and have been back to normal ever since.

I am so so thankful for these people. I really do hope that everyone has these kinds of relationships in their lives. In times where I end up getting really reminiscent I can't help but think about these people. The one who are always their for me no matter what. I can't even remember every special moment shared with them. Even though they weren't at Baylor and I have no reason to really associate them with my end of college blog-athon, I still can and I still do because they are my always people. No matter what the season is I believe that they relate in some way.

I love you all. Thank you for loving me well the past 10+ years.

This is definitely and forever dedicated to: Lauren Whitthorne, Andrew Whitthorne, Clayton Fike (and Whitney :)), Skyler Fike, Natalie Hill, Leslie Gibson and any one else who has been considered a part of this little family at some point in time. Y'all rock. Thanks for putting up with me.

12 Days of Graduation

Tomorrow is the final that determines if I graduate or not. It's kinda crazy to think that after four years it really is coming down to this ONE test. Its very frightening. Today my roomies found this funny book about the worst/funniest answers people had written on test. Here were some faves:

Happy Finals!

12 Days of Graduation: Who I Was

When I realized that today was May 1st, I had a little moment of shock as I laid in bed. For the last four years I have answered the question, "When do you graduate?" with, "May 2012." It always felt so far off and distant. Yesterday I could still answer that question with this May and now I have to say this month or in a couple weeks. It is just weird. Something I realized is kind of awesome is that I graduate on May 12, 2012. So now that May 2012 has arrived I have decided to do a post a day. That'll be 12 posts in honor of graduation. It'll be like the 12 days of Graduation. Every post will just be some musing about my college experience..maybe a funny memory, some crazy or sentimental list, or a nugget of wisdom. The sky is the limit.

Today, I want to share the ways that I have changed in college. Transformation is definitely a recurring theme in my college career. Jesus has done so much in me. I hope that this story brings hope, freedom, breakthrough, and D. ALL OF THE ABOVE. 

When I came to Baylor, I was a mess of a human. I had just found out that the guy I dated all of high school has been lying to me and was dating a girl that he had met through my younger sister, I had started drinking pretty heavily that summer, and I had no clue who I wanted to be in college. I knew it was an opportunity to be who ever I wanted, but I just didn't know who I even remotely wanted to be. In high school I was the innocent, sweet girl who never did anything wrong and obeyed my parents always, but they had gone to Baylor (and they had been WILD at Baylor I would later come to find out. So, they were pretty open to the thought of me breaking out of that little shell. Luckily, Jesus had a different plan.

The first person I ever met at Baylor was Jake Patterson. Yes, the one who works a Common Grounds as he is affectionately known as. We met because our parents knew eachother. Our dads were roommates in college and in the same fraternity and actually his mom and my dad dated. Weird. Anyways, we met and we were pretty much instafriends. The main thing that drew me to him was that he loved Jesus. I loved Jesus, but that whole personal relationship thing didn't really click in my brain. So, I faked it. I wanted to be his friend so I acted like uber-christian just to hang out with. I know, so lame. BUT, what happened was Jesus started doing something in my heart. It was a really sweet a special time of me trying to figure this whole thing out. However, I was still in this stupid habit of basically going to other cities with my friends about once a month and getting drunk and being stupid and hooking up with old boyfriends and DISGUSTING. Ew, hate my sin.

In November, Jake and I started dating. It was fun and special and I really do hold it dear to my heart. Dating your best friend really is so fun! Yeah, it stinks if/when it doesn't work out. But time heals things. Anyways, dating Jake was great. He challenged me and I felt drawn closer to Jesus. We prayed together, went to church together. I had NEVER known a relationship in anyway based on Jesus so it rocked my world a little. It was sad when it ended, but that break up brought about some great breakthrough for me. 

BACKTRACK--- When I first got to Baylor a girl from my high school, Lindsey Hawkins, invited me and Lorin (freshman roomie) to an outreach for her section. There I met the fabulous Lena Waters for the first time. What a wonderful, perfect occasion. Between the two of them I got plugged in at Antioch and slightly plugged into a lifegroup which was led by Josh and Jenny Lawson at first and then Lena, Taylor Allen, Meredith Janes, and Joel Trousdale. Oh hey, powerhouses. The first time I went to Antioch, I literally started weeping when I got there. I cried through out the entire worship time and at the end rededicated my life to Jesus. That was September 28, 2008. Avery special day. 

Anyways, I became super close with Lena and she started rushing me Tri Delt. I had been convinced that I wanted to be a Tri Deezy since February of 2008 when I came to visit a friend for Sing. Well, January came and rush started and something happened and one night I got a phone call saying that I didn't have any parties left. It was a very raw moment. I was confused, shocked, and part of me really thought that I had been prank called. I called Jake and he came to Collins and let me cry then he took my car keys and first drove me to Lena's where we cried and both talked about how confused we were and then he drove me home at 3 am. What a sweet boy! (Lindsey Warner- HE IS A KEEPER) 

So, back to Jake and I breaking up. It was hard. So much harder than it should have been after dating him for 3 months. I remember one night a couple days after he had broken it off I literally wept for hours until I fell asleep. But, the most amazing thing happened the next morning--- I woke up and I just said I don't need to cry about this anymore and I just felt God saying that he wanted to be my comfort. Not just my comforter, but my actual comfort. Man, after getting cross cut from rush and being broken up with I was feeling pretty unchosen, unworthy, unloved, and bland. All I needed in that moment was comfort. Well, I never cried about the Jake thing or the Tri Delt thing again. Jesus is so sweet! That is the first moment that I can think of where I really knew that God was teaching me something. It was kinda my first real moment with Jesus. 

That semester continued on. Nothing of real note happened besides more places where I realized how much I needed Jesus. 

I went of Awaken which at the time wasn't even called Awaken yet and I got blown out of the water. I learned so much and I took so much in and I just walked away thinking that I was going to be a changed person and that there was NO WAY I could go back to the life I had been leaving. I would also like to note that this was the first time I met Jake and Abigail Griffin. Wow. At that point I had no clue how special they would grow to be in my life. 

I got back from Awaken and man, Satan just slammed into me. I literally went home that weekend and somehow ended up drunk with my high school friends. Talk about a bummer. The rest of that semester just went downhill. I started leaving Waco every weekend so I could be somewhere in which I could do something that I didn't want anyone in Waco knowing I was doing. 

I signed up to work at T Bar M Camps for that summer and I was convinced it was going to be my ultimate escape from all this sin. I loved T Bar M and had been transformed there as a camper and figured that being there would bring a lot of freedom from these sin struggles. Here is a note: you can't run from your struggles on your own strength and you definitely cannot hide from them. I had an amazing and super fun and unforgettable summer at T Bar M, but my issues were waiting for me as soon as I left which stunk. 

My sophomore year I hit a breaking point. I was annoyed that I didn't actually live life with a single person in my LG and hated when they would say we just wanna live life together at the beginning of every lifegroup, I hated having to hide all the junk I was doing, and I hated that these people at my church were trying to convince I needed to be all devout to get the things I really wanted out of life when I knew tons of people who didn't even like Jesus that were getting married and getting jobs and having babies. Yes, those were the things I wanted. I still want them, I just look at life through a slightly different scope nowadays. So, I took a giant leap back from the whole Jesus thing. By step back I mean I peaced out of there. I still went to church on Sundays occasionally and would sit in the back by myself and usually cry the whole time. I was drinking every weekend, making out with the guy who lived above me, and really really depressed by the end of the fall semester. It was a downer to say the least. 

But I had a moment that truly changed everything. On January 9, 2010 I went to pick my 15 year old brother up from a party and he came out drunk and high. I was distraught. I felt completely responsible for him thinking those things were okay and I really did shake me up. I went back to Baylor for the spring semester and decided to stop partying purely because I wanted to be a better example. The sentence, "I am going to stop drinking until Dia because you have to drink of Dia," literally came out of my mouth. Little did I know that Jesus had some wonderful plans. 

A year earlier I had met this really cool guy named Austin Murray. He and I had been saying we wanted to hang out for a while so I decided better now than never and it really did change my life. I started hanging out with Austin and his friends and they had something I had never even seen before. Much like what I had seen in Jake Patterson's life, I saw this raw and uncontainable love for Jesus that they had and it was different. Now I know, it was the Holy Spirit. Within about a 2 weeks period my life literally got turned upside down. It just all changed. Within those 2 weeks I had made a whole new group of friend, gotten plugged back into my old life group, signed up for Awaken, and probably had Holy Spirit parties every night. Another special thing was that my beautiful best friend, Clare Berlinsky, was right by my side experiencing the whole thing along with me. 

That was the real transformation moment. I encountered God in a way that made me realize how worth it he was! How much he loved me and how much life with Jesus could be! It was so awesome and so special! There is way way way more to this story since I have obviously been continuously refined in the last 2.5 years of walking with Jesus, but I really feel like this post is just getting WAY too long.

To Be Continued... Next chapter is WHO I AM!

Harper Ella Griffin

She is finally here!

Sweet little Harper!

Other wise known as the sweetest child to enter existence 

She was born around 8 am on April 30, 2012.

A little thing, she only weighed 5 lbs 14 oz.

She is seriously ADORABLE.

She has the cutest little double chin and long eye lashes.

I love love love her!

After meeting sweet little Harper and I am convinced 

I MUST move to Baton Rouge just to be around her as much as possible.